Dear Abby: I’m an attractive, single, 30-year-old woman who has some hang-ups and problems dating -- like anyone. But my most annoying and recurring problem is this:
For some reason, the men I date have the need to point out other attractive women to me. Sometimes it’s a passing, “There was an attractive girl there, and she said ...” And sometimes it’s, “She’s hot!” about a woman on television, and the list goes on.
I once heard a saying, “One should never speak of one beautiful woman in the presence of another,” and it bothers me a lot when they do this. I don’t do that to the men I date, as I find it disrespectful.
Am I silly for feeling this way? And if not, how can I tell them politely to stop?
Dear Wants To Be Respected: I used to feel the same way you do -- threatened if someone I was with mentioned that someone else was attractive. What a waste of energy. Then I realized that once it was out of their mouths, it was usually out of their heads, and I relaxed and didn’t let it get to me.
However, because you have mentioned to these men that it bothers you and they persist, try giving them a dose of their own medicine. If a hunk appears on screen, elbow them and say, “Oooh, isn’t he hot?” or, “Doesn’t he have the cutest little tush?” Then watch their reaction. Perhaps if they find themselves on the receiving end, they’ll learn empathy. I can’t guarantee it will work, but it’s worth a try.