It’s not that I don’t like Christmas. I am not curmudgeonly enough not to admit that there are many things about the holiday that I do enjoy.
The traditions like Holy Supper at my mother-in-law’s house with the same menu every year. Several varieties of pierogies, the mushroom soup made with wild mushrooms picked in the backyard and pronounced by my father-in-law to be safe. We are all still alive, so he must be right.
I like cooking the Christmas Day dinner and sitting down to enjoy it. I even don’t mind the days of leftover turkey and ham sandwiches. I have several holiday movies that are a must-see once a year. It wouldn’t be Christmas without seeing Bill Murray’s note-perfect performance in “Scrooged.” I always cry during parts of it. If that makes me a sissy, so be it. And there are some holiday songs, like “The Carol of the Bells,” that make my heart glad. Giving someone the absolute perfect gift. And getting the absolute perfect gift. So I guess there are lots of things I do enjoy about this bookend of the year.
But to even out the ledger, and with apologies to the writers on strike at the Dave Letterman show, here are Rising’s Top 10 Things Not to Like About Christmas.
10. Salvation Army bell ringers. Where do they find those bells that make my head feel like it’s gonna explode?
9. Extended holiday shopping hours — see grumpy salespeople.
8. Grumpy salespeople — see extended holiday shopping hours.
7. Lines for everything including lines for lines.
6. Small children having tsunami-sized tantrums in store aisles.
5. Parents of small children having tsunami-sized tantrums ignoring their offspring. Tigers eat their young. Can’t you?
4. Those damn Salvation Army bells — Don’t they know I have a hangover?
3. Any Christmas song about a reindeer. They eat them in Lapland, you know.
2. Did I mention about the lines?
And the No. 1 thing not to like about Christmas:
If I give you all the money in my wallet, will you STOP ringing that bell?
I hope you and yours had a nice Christmas.
And about that I am not wrong.