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sign language

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Surprise, surprise. One of those people who’s always opposed you has decided to speak up again this week to tell everyone how wrong you are. You’re used to this by now, so hopefully you’ll be able to defend yourself without getting huffy or petty. Making a good impression right now is an especially good idea because someone you’ve never teamed up with before is considering hopping over to your side of the fence. I don’t need to tell you what a great ally s/he’d be, but it might motivate you to know this: if you get him or her to come around, you’ll get everyone to come around.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

You’ve never been gung-ho for instant gratification (just find a Leo or Gemini if you need an expert on the topic), but you do fall prey to its charms occasionally. You’ve learned that there are often consequences that come with demanding what you want, now, and they’re only occasionally worth the satisfaction of having your whims granted. This week, beware the temptation to push too hard to get what you want as soon as possible. Letting things unfold at a more natural pace may take patience but is more likely to result in success. What’s more, if you allow events to happen that way, they’re also likely to come with at least one or two pleasant surprises.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

A friend of mine is taking some medicinal drug whose side effects often include intense, frequently unpleasant dreams. You, of all people, should know what he’s going through, since you often have these without the help of any pharmaceutical substance. His strategy for shaking them off as quickly as possible is to have a sense of humor about them. Follow his lead. Making things funny (even when they’re awful) is your best weapon this week against unpleasantness of all sorts, both inside your head and out in the world. Make jokes of everything that bothers you; the worse they are, the more you ought to make fun of them. Laugh long, laugh hard, and laugh often. It’s better than crying.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

It’s so easy to get distracted, I know. And all those distractions are such great fun, since whatever you’re supposed to be paying attention to really isn’t all that thrilling. It might even be a drag. However, toeing the line now will result in more excitement later than can be had from indulging even your wildest whims now, so it’s well worth it. In other words, put up with the drudgery of doing your job, whatever it may be, and wait until later to be whimsical and carefree, when you can afford to, and have a clear conscience, besides.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Misery loves company. In this case, someone else’s misery would love your company. Don’t go over to their dark side, though, no matter what tactics they use to get you to come there. You don’t need to sever your connection with whatever sad sack is trying (probably unwittingly) to drag you down, but you need to be sure to dig in your heels and resist being sucked in. Tugging them free of their doldrums might be an option, and is certainly worth a try, but don’t be too hard on yourself if it’s not possible. You may have to settle from waving to them from your side of the fence, where the grass is greener, and making sure they know they’re welcome to clamber over and come hang out.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. Let’s be realistic, though; most of your motivation has been mostly selfish; you did it to make yourself better off in some way. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. However, here you are, and because of all that hard work, you’re in a position to help another — perhaps many others. It might not immediately occur to you, because it’s not exactly in line with your original intentions, but I hope you’ll consider doing it anyway — not because it’s the holidays, but just because it’s a really good thing to do.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

In conflicts like the ones you’ll face this week, there is no right and wrong. Because of your loyal nature, you’re likely to see things in stark moral black and white, but in actuality all of this stuff is cast in shades of grey. You’re not exactly in the best position to mediate these kinds of fights, because of your strong personal opinions on the subject, but it would be brilliant if you could take yourself out of the equation as much as possible (since it has very little to do with you, anyway) and try to be an unbiased negotiator. If you can help both sides get along — or amicably agree to disagree — you’ll have done your job, and then some.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

You’re a creature of routine. Don’t deny it. Although you’re perfectly capable of rolling with surprises and breaking from your rhythms, secretly you’re quite attached to certain things you do every day, and miss them when you don’t have the chance to indulge in them. The holidays are full of fun but that’s mitigated somewhat by being away from your tried and true, reliable sources of comfort and joy. This week, try not to be too attached to your pleasurable old habits — though recreating some might be possible, finding new (and possibly better) ones is even more likely.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

On a long plane ride, blood pools in your feet, causing them to swell. If you can, it’s a good idea to get up and walk around periodically, or raise your feet a little. Your emotions can settle like that when unstirred for long periods, becoming sluggish and hard to cram into your shoes. Exercising them, too, so you can stay limber and open, is a good idea this week. How to do that? Crying and laughing (even at the same time) is a good warm-up, even if it takes a movie to get the tears flowing and the giggles jumpstarted. But don’t stop there. There’s plenty of tragedy and hilarity in your real life. Maybe now you’ll notice.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

Remember that every gift has a dark side, including yours. Being able to see both sides of an argument means you’re a brilliant mediator, but it makes it difficult to take an unequivocal stand on anything that’s the least bit questionable. I’m sure you wish you never had to face another “it’s us or them” situation, but this week is likely to present you with one. Here, seeing the positive and negative aspects of both sides’ positions will make choosing one over another seem nearly impossible. However, neither party will allow you to abstain from this one. Quit begging everyone to “just get along,” pick the boat that seems least likely to sink, and hop on board.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

One of the things I like about you is your attitude: “I am what I am. Love it or leave it.” It’s clear and honest and open. But the truth is you’re not quite as badass as you make yourself out to be. There’s room for flexibility and compromise. You don’t need to bend yourself over backwards to accommodate someone, as your Libran neighbors might, but allowing a hint that other possibilities are even possible is a fantastic idea. Contortionist, you’re not. We know that already. But can you be a little bit flexible? Let’s see if you can touch your toes, or agree to give something new a try this week. That, at least, would be a start.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Things aren’t as dire as you think. Yes, you’re caught in the grip of a fast current with a potential lethal and certainly unavoidable waterfall up ahead. However, you have some time. You don’t need to grab at the first paddle or lifesaver thrown at you. You have a few minutes to pick and choose and consider your various options. They’re all better than your current situation, but one is probably a lot better than the others. Avoid having to go over the falls in a barrel or an inflatable raft. Head for the helicopter.

Phil Spector

December 26 1940

Chyna

December 27 1969

John Legend (pictured)

December 28 1978

Marianne Faithfull

December 29 1946

Laila Ali

December 30 1977

George Thorogood

December 31 1952

Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer

January 1 1969

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