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sign language

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Don’t invest too much meaning into what are almost certainly random coincidences. I’m quite fond of drawing connections between things that seem to be related, and reading between the lines of regular life. But sometimes shit happens just because it happens, and it doesn’t mean anything in particular. Making a big deal out of it, or changing your course because of it, would be silly. This week, it’s also likely to irritate people, and get you started on such a wrong path it’s ridiculous. Just let stuff play out and write it off as more or less completely random. It is.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Carrying around this idea is much like being pregnant. You may feel heavy and cumbersome. It might limit your activities. But you ultimately want to bear this burden and have it blossom, eventually, into something with a life of its own. Be patient and nurturing with yourself, and remember that at some point you’ll have “given birth” to the project you’re growing — and then you can get back to your old tricks. Trying to participate in those shenanigans now would be an embarrassing disaster. Example: People are titillated when a hot 20-something drunkenly flashes her breasts at a party. A heavily pregnant woman doing the same thing gets a totally different response. Keep that in mind and wait for the right time. This isn’t it.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

You can’t get off the treadmill this week. No matter how fast you go, you won’t get anywhere. Trying harder will only make you more tired. This is only partially a trick of your perception. In some ways, your destination is receding nearly as quickly as you run towards it. Chill out. Don’t stop moving, but slow down to a pace you can maintain for a long time. Eventually someone will unplug the treadmill and you’ll close on your target so fast your head will spin. It just might take a while before that happens. Make sure you haven’t fallen off the thing before then., keep walking, and try not to fall off the path before then.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Spoil yourself. I’ve been astonished recently by your capacity for self-deprivation. You’ve probably had good reason to deny yourself some of the things you want, but let’s not get carried away here. There’s no need to endure a truly Spartan lifestyle, which is especially brutal for you luxury-loving Bulls. Keep up the discipline, for the most part, if it continues to be justified, but allow yourself one splash-out this week; nothing that will break the bank, of course, just a little taste of pleasure to savor and help you get through these self-imposed lean times — or you won’t.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Watch the ego. You’ve done something you can and should be proud of. But don’t get carried away. This was a good thing, but it wasn’t all that. You haven’t saved the world (yet). You need to be humble and focused right now, and use this success as a springboard to even better things. Consider this just a start, not the end goal, even if this was as far as you originally planned to get. It’s time to (intelligently) expand upon those original dreams, and when people congratulate you on your recent successes, thank them, then tell them how they can help you do the next great thing on your agenda.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

As tempting as it may be to brag and share the kudos you’ve received with other folks you know, keep them to yourself. Consider them a private treat to savor alone, since others won’t like their flavor nearly as much. You’re great. The people who need to know that already do. The ones who haven’t figured that out yet aren’t going to learn better by finding out what you’ve just accomplished or about the praise and recognition you received for it — at least not if you share it with them. Keep quiet. If and when they do figure out how awesome you are, the fact that you were modest about it will only impress them all the more.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Darling, bite your tongue. There’s a bee in your panties this week and it’s likely to make you bitchy. People who usually just mildly irritate you will have you grinding your teeth. Please resist the urge to let them know. Trust that whatever issues you’re dealing with this week might not be issues in another week or two, and you’ll be embarrassed later if you make a big deal about them now. It’s not worth the fallout and drama, which would haunt you for months after this week’s annoying bee sting is just a memory.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Control yourself or you’re likely to make things worse. If you get hurt, that’s the time to nurture yourself, not freak out and suffer a far worse injury. That would be like stubbing your toe, then punching the wall to cope with the pain in your foot. I don’t want you to suffer the emotional equivalent of breaking three fingers just because you couldn’t keep your feelings a little bit in check, especially when the initial “injury” is one you’d recover from quickly under normal circumstances. Take a deep breath and a few steps back, and wait it out.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

By lighting a thousand candles and waiting for your lover to come home you could be setting yourself up for a very romantic evening — or a visit from the fire department. Most of your schemes are walking this kind of line at the moment; if they go well, they’ll be lovely, but the potential for them to go seriously awry is very high. I’m not a fan of second-guessing yourself, or over-thinking things, but trying to critically poke holes in your ideas might simply be in your best interest right now, since many are fundamentally flawed. You want to prevent disasters, right? Unfortunately, questioning your own impulses right now is the way to go.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Everyone knows Cancers and Pisces are sensitive; they wear their hearts on their sleeves. Your own emotional vulnerability is much less obvious. You make a point of not letting people know how much they affect you, thus they’re not as careful with your feelings as they probably ought to be. This week your tender emotions are in peril. You could, of course, run like hell. That would work, but it would also unravel much of your recent efforts. Or you could simply admit to what you want and how you feel. Even if that seems unthinkable, think about it. It’s easier than you think, and it’s your best option, besides.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Take off your metaphorical dark sunglasses. While it may seem that you’ve walked into a sinister chapter of life, it’s just your perspective, not the reality of the situation, that makes it seem so grim. Things aren’t actually that bad. You can make anything look like a potential disaster, if you view it from the wrong angle in bad light. You’re usually such an unshakeable optimist that you might not have noticed when you crossed over to the dark side and started viewing everything so negatively. Since you’re not literally wearing sunglasses, it might be hard to shed them (it probably involves eliminating something (or someone) that might be unduly coloring your view). Nevertheless, since you’re useless while wearing them, please don’t rest until you figure out how to take them off..

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

You can only use that tired excuse so many times before it stops working (and becomes boring). There comes a time when you either need to come up with a new and better one, or finally admit that you just plain don’t want to do whatever it is you’re avoiding, or look into why you’re making excuses in the first place. This week, my dear, is that time. Will you please finally admit to your true feelings about the situation, and act on them, rather than basing your behavior on how you think you should feel? And if your excuses have been genuine, and not reflecting your true desires, it’s time to eliminate them. No more excuses. Only heartfelt action will cut it, now.

Rutger Hauer

January 23 1944

Mischa Barton

January 24 1986

Alicia Keyes

January 25 1981

Paul Newman (pictured)

January 26 1925

Bridget Fonda

January 27 1964

Elijah Wood

January 28 1981

Oprah Winfrey

January 29 1954

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