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sign language

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

What good is royalty without royalties? It’s one thing to be noble, and another thing entirely to live like nobility. It’s not that you’re poor; let’s just say that your income doesn’t necessarily match the lifestyle to which you’d like to become accustomed. Luckily there’s a way you can bank in on the investments you’ve already made, specifically those improving your own character. If you take proper advantage of these, you may be able to nearly painlessly expand your worth. Chances are it will probably never quite hit the level of royalty, but this week you should have an opportunity to get a little closer to that dream.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The kitchen where you cook up your ideas is running on reserve power. The light bulbs are flickering and dim, the fridge that normally keeps your ideas crisp and cool isn’t quite doing its job, and there’s just not enough electricity to operate the heavy-duty appliances at all. You need to tap into some new source of energy that will have you churning out inspired cupcakes and cocktails like you used to be able to. Luckily this week, such a source should be intensely obvious, shining like a beacon and just waiting for you to tap in.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

As I sat down to write your horoscope, I very clumsily doused myself with my morning chai. As I sit here, sticky, I want you to remember that sometimes shit just happens. At some point, fault and consequences have to cease to matter. Even if it was preventable, it’s over now, and it’s better to just move on from it, rather than dwelling on it forever. You’ve given this mistake — if that’s what it was — enough time, and done your best to make amends if they were necessary. Now go hop in the shower, wash off the mess, and move on.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You’ve never made a point of seeking out comfort, at least not in the traditional sense. You’d rather force yourself to become comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances than compromise. Even if it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you occasionally make it so, and end up putting up with a lot you wouldn’t have to, were you willing to settle for something less than ideal. Sometimes I wish you’d just make up your mind to make the best of things, rather than holding out for something that will probably never happen. I doubt you’ll change your mind just because I suggest it, but if you were going to implement a compromise, this would be a good week to do it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The problem in front of you has a simple solution, but those trying to solve it just aren’t seeing it. You see it, but so far they haven’t listened to you. This week you’re faced with a dilemma you don’t often face — getting people to hear and heed you. Because you’re not especially soft-spoken, you’re at a loss, when your words go unheard, about what you can do to get the attention of those who need to hear what you have to say. On the other rare occasions when this has happened, you’ve thrown up your hands, said, “I tried,” and left them to court disaster on their own. Don’t do that this time. Make them hear you, whatever it takes.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

When you end up in a leadership role, you usually do things very much by the book—frequently quite strictly. However, that kind of rigidity won’t serve you well this week. You’ll encounter so much backlash and resistance that the project might get stalled entirely. You need to exercise trust in people and be as laissez-faire as you can right now. Let them succeed or fail on their own. If it does all fall apart, yes, you’ll get stuck picking up the pieces. However, as keeping faith and trust is the only chance to get the job done at all, I suggest you try it.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This week’s influences have made you very easy to overlook or forget about. Don’t take it personally, but you will find that you’ll need to speak up louder and make a special effort to be noticed and heard. Of course this could work to your advantage as well; if there were anything you ever wanted to get away with on the down-low, this might be the perfect time to do it. However keep in mind that just because no one notices you getting into trouble now doesn’t mean that they won’t figure it out (and call you on it) later.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Since you’re always at odds with yourself, you frequently make bad choices. Which of your internal voices, after all, should you listen to? Choose poorly, and you may end up a long way down a path that’s no good for you. However, this can also be regarded as a source of strength. Because of your mixed internal signals, it means many different options are open to you. Choices are a good thing, even if some of them are necessarily bad ones. Don’t ignore your gut, but let your head get some say here. When choosing someone or something to bring into your life — if your gut is torn between two, allow your head to decide. Which one will ultimately keep you happiest, most cared-for, and most entertained, over the long-term?

Aries (March 21-April 19)

I don’t think it’s much of a secret. Although I have an appreciation for every sign of the zodiac, you Rams are by far my faves. I’ve simply never met an Aries who didn’t keep me entertained and make me smile more often than not. Best of all, you seem to thrive off the positive attention of fans like me. This week you’ll have a good chance of finding it. If you’re feeling starved for that kind of adoration, go out looking for it. Luckily, no one is depending on you to be subtle or slick. Just go be your brash, bold, outrageous self. It’s good advertising.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Reward compromise. There’s at least one person in your life who is so opinionated that they won’t allow compromise. He makes unreasonable demands and because everyone else involved is willing to bend, and he’s not, he gets his way most of the time. Don’t let that stand this week. You’re in the position of power here, and those who are most able to be flexible should be the ones who benefit from that flexibility, not the diva who can’t or won’t. Don’t feel bad because someone stubborn backed you up against a wall. Let him figure it out when the rest of you climb over and leave him alone on the other side.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Be wary of some of the attention you’re getting right now. What these people are enchanted with is perceived potential, not necessarily who and what you are right now. Whether or not you choose to go down the paths they’ve secretly selected for you will determine whether you continue to have their interest three months from now. While you certainly shouldn’t reject these people or this type of attention out of hand, I wouldn’t let it go to your head or change your course. You need to do what you want, not what they want. If that turns out to be the same thing, great. If not, I wouldn’t worry. There are plenty of amazing people who love you just the way you are; as cheesy as that sounds, it’s also true.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Chances are you are much the same person you were 10 years ago. However, I do hope that your strong sense of self — both a blessing and a curse, in this case — hasn’t kept you from moving forward in your life. Things look less hopeful and shiny now than they did a decade ago, but hopefully your dreams are more realistic and achievable now than they were then. Personally, I think it’s better to have a handful of realistically achievable dreams than a thousand pies in the sky. Even if you’re not feeling as hopeful as you ought to, please remember: it’s never too late to start over.

Daniel Radcliffe (pictured)

July 23 1989

Jennifer Lopez

July 24 1970

Estelle Getty

July 25 1924

Kate Beckinsale

July 26 1973

Alex Rodriguez

July 27 1975

Soulja Boy

July 28 1990

Geddy Lee

July 29 1953

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