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Married and drifting

Q: I’ve been with my wife for three years and married for two. We have three kids, and life was great. But I’ve never been a guy to be tied down. I found it exhilarating being with her in the beginning, but as of about six months ago, I’ve been feeling myself drift away from her. The only thing that is stopping me from getting a divorce is that we have three young children. I don’t want to pursue another relationship; in fact, it’s the furthest from my mind. I feel stuck. Am I wrong?

A Steve: Only if you shirk your responsibilities. If you love her, then you should join her in seeing a counselor to get your marriage back on track. There are ways to add excitement to your marriage, keep it fun and give you time to be alone. Involving a professional is a good first step.

Mia: Three kids in three years! Wow. That is enough to stress anyone out. But you obviously love your wife and your kids. So what you need to do is find some balance — both time to recharge your marriage and some time for you away from your home. Counseling sounds like a good idea, as do date nights for the two of you. I’d also try to start having a regular golf outing or night out with your buddies to give you a little perspective.

Q: I’m a woman, 27, and married for five years. For the past two years, we have not had sex, and the years before that, we had sex only once a month. I’ve spoken to him on the importance of sex in a marriage and also mentioned that I do enjoy making love. We still sleep in the same bed, but we are more like roommates. I once asked him if he was interested in sex and he said, “If you asked me this question three or four months ago I’d say I’m not interested, but now I’ve mentally prepared myself.” I was shocked to hear that. He said he’s going to change, but I’ve been trying to work this out for the past five years. I have no feelings for him anymore. Please help me.

A Mia: Going without sex for two years in your 20s is not normal. It sounds like your husband has sexual problems that you can’t solve by talking with him. He should see a doctor. And do it fast, before it is too late to save your marriage.

Steve: Hey, I went without sex for two years in my 20s. Not by choice, of course. But you do need to put this problem out in the open. Talking with a doctor or a marriage counselor together is a good start. There’s something going on here that needs to be brought out into the open.


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