Q: I’m 32 and have been married for seven years. We have a lovely 4-year-old daughter. I have a female coworker whom I’ve known for eight years. I fell in love with her before I got married. I didn’t fight for her then because she had a boyfriend. The love that I feel for her is still in my heart every day. I know that she also has feelings for me because of the way she treats me and through her gestures. Every time we meet, we have happy moments together, just by making jokes. The problem is that she’s also married with two children. What should I do?
A Steve: Change jobs. Although why you got married when you were in love with someone else is a mystery to me. No possible good can come out of pursuing her now, and lots of bad can come from it, including two ruined families with children. You must focus on what you have, not what you wish you had done.
Mia: Coulda, woulda, shoulda … enjoy the life you have now. Pursuing this woman will only bring you grief. I suggest a day out with your family to remind yourself how good you have it.
Q: I am a single mother with an 18-year-old daughter. I was called away overnight on business recently, and I told my daughter that she was not to have any guests over while I was gone. I was back the next evening, and the house was fine. She’d kept it clean and said things went well. A couple of days later when I was emptying the bathroom trash I found a condom wrapper. Now I am thinking the worst but don’t want to cause a big scene. But since it looks like she lied to me, I can’t let it go either. How should I handle this?
A Mia: Shockingly, your 18-year-old is having sex. Unfortunately, that’s going to happen, and you can’t stop it. Rather than making a big deal about the lying, I would try to talk with her about safe sex and make sure she’s OK.
Steve: The bad news is your daughter is having sex. The good news is she’s making the guy use a condom. Still, she shouldn’t have violated the no-guest rule. Talk with her about why you have that rule, but keep the drama to a minimum.